Tuesday, November 27, 2007

hot brown sugah opens her trap yet again

a little bit of me

bummer! i just posted a raw feeling i'm having right now and i decided to experiment on some tabs! sheesh!

well.... since i want to let it all out, i'll try and recap what i just typed.

i think i'm feeling kinda confused right now. and lost. when i think of this particular thing, i feel a little....erm... sad. like i don't know if i had done the right thing or not. my mind says i have, and so do a lot of people.... just that i'm wondering what God has for me.... its like He's taking a long time and i'm afraid that i'm wanting things that i don't need. and when i am presented with God's plans, i'm afraid if i'll ask 'what if?'. its such a detrimental thing to do, asking myself 'what if?' but sometimes, i think i just can't help it. i know God'll give me the best and whats good for me.... just that i tend to think of the possibilities that are not meant to happen. see? the mind (superego) works wonderfully but the heart (id) is destroying me. the ego is too confused that its remaining numb- which is bad.

*shrugs*

i tend to compare myself with peers who are happy. it makes me depressed when i do. i have to feel happy for them and everytime i think of them happy, i should be praying to God. i should pray to Him that He continues to make that particular person happy and that i want to be just as happy (in my case, even a glimmer of happiness would be much appreciated). maybe i'll delve into my Qur'an in english again, like i always did in the mornings..... but i want to do it in peace..... and i can't seem to find any of it here in unit 13-1499. it feels like a psychological battlezone every second.

i'll type out my goals here.
to not feel like i do now by mid march.
get a job then (mid march).

why mid-march? well, Insya'Allah, i'll be done with my couseworks. this means that i'm left with research and i think i can handle working and research then.

ps: i just did a blogthings test to see how weird i am but i just can't seem to 'paste' the results! in fact, i can't 'paste' anything here! why ah! so boring! i just wanted to tell the world that i'm 76% weird.

+ > the glamour babe posted at 5:28 AM < +